This past Friday, my husband and I celebrated 10 years of marriage. I must say, I am so excited and thrilled! It feels like I mastered a big feat, although it’s not over, I feel we have done so much!
We met at the age of 12 in the church choir and loved being in each other’s presence ever since. Although my parents wouldn’t allow me to date, we secretly wrote notes back and forth and privately met each other (with the help of my older sister) at the mall or at the County Fair. My mother eventually found out (they always do) and told me that if he really likes you, he’ll wait to date you when the time is right.
Well he waited, and we have been an “offical” couple since we were 16 and 17 years old. We attended the same college and well, the rest is history.
When I think of my husband, I think of how amazing he is as a person and I truly believe that I have the best one out there. (I know there are other amazing gentlemen out there, but to me he is my ‘prince charming’).
But with that being said, marriage takes work!! I mean, you have two people with two different point of views, leading a life together and raising kids. There’s going to be tough times. Over these past 10 years, I have learned so much but everything boils down to one main lesson and that is…COMMUNICATION!!
Before we got married, we did marriage counseling and I remember our counselor saying “you need to communicate to make a marriage work”. I would always hear this before contemplating marriage. It was almost like a cliche but it is SO TRUE!
Communication will make or break a marriage, let alone any relationship. If something bothers you, speak up, if you want something to change, say it. If he/she is not meeting your ‘needs’ emotionally or physically, share it. If you would like to change the way your children are educated, don’t hold it back.
What doesn’t work is keeping it bottled up in fear of bothering your spouse or always sounding like a nagging hag. Bottled emotions will only heat,boil up and come out in an explosion.
I remember my husband telling me something he didn’t like that I did. It was something very simple but it meant a lot to him. First, it never occurred to me that it bothered him because I wasn’t aware of it. Second, I asked him why he never told me, he said it wasn’t that big of a deal. But ‘not that big of a deal’ issues eventually become a big deal.
I honestly believe every issue, be it finances, children, sexual, date night, can be worked out with communicating effectively with an end goal of compromising in mind…not just complaining.
We have many more years and many more conversations to have. What lessons have you learned in your marriage? We still have room to grow and learn.